I’m not sure why you’d actually have the punter with the ball here. There is NO good reason for this. Sean Payton, the head coach knew Brian Moorman was a track guy in college. Sean Taylor, from the University of Miami, lays this dude out. I’m talking wrecks this dudes ribcage. Watch closely at his feet actually going so vertical they hit Sean Taylors helmet…. Then the announcers do it in Japanese. It’s priceless.

I remember back in the day, when you actually had to meet a girl, shake her hand and get to know her. Kids now a days, have it so damn easy. All you have to do is request a girl to be your friend, send her two comments and you’re practically knee deep in panties. I still have to go out to a bar, pay for drinks, pay for the night, and still am getting jack.

Guys from myspace, take a girl to some Emo show, and at the end of the night are getting down. They are EMO too, what is that about. Apparently, Eyeliner, a digital camera, and music about the pains of puberty pick up women.

Emo, shaggy hair, high school guys don’t know how easy they have it. I’m just sayin…

Every once in a while, comedy dies off. Recently, there has been a resurgence of comedy. Dane cook, and his uber physical over the top humor, Greg Giraldo and his snarky adult humor.

I was lazily flipping through my TV channels and ran across a very Napoleon Dynamite-esque kid doing stand up comedy. Do yourself the favor of turning the sound up on this and spending the to watch and listen to this. I, personally, thought it was hysterical. If you don’t like it, I’m pretty sure you don’t have a pulse.

Now, Let me pre-empt any thought by saying. I need to do this in the very near future. Everything about this looks crucial. The straps, the tension by a 4 wheeler, the posts being self installed, and the being hurtled toward a mountain side. If it’s fun, it’s not safe and if it’s safe, it’s not fun.

(that all being said, I don’t condone this at home.)

So what defines Josh as the person who will be writing here? What qualities does he withhold that makes him so seemingly perfect to write at A Man’s View? After much analyzing of this question, I was finally able to conceive the notion of why I should write here. So here at the three big determining factors followed by some other helpful qualities:

* I am indeed an “A”
* I indeed do have a penis, confirming I am a “Man”
* I have thoughts on issues, or as they are sometimes called “Views”
* I like girls.
* Finally, I hold the pound-for-pound title in drinking.

With all this and more followed by America’s best warranty, what’s not to love? With that being said I feel it is time for me to crack open a beer (yes I know it’s only 10:00 AM and I’m at work) and dive deep into my mind to see what I am going to view next…

And if any women out there think otherwise they are just acting the fool. Actually, this is the only thing guys think about it so you might as well deal with it.

Now really if that is your mom what do you do? You probably think you are cool because all the kids continue to ask to spend the night at your house, but I don’t think it works out like that. Do I even go far enough to the point of questioning if you have fantasies of her or not? I mean it’s your mom so that’s pretty gross, but your mom is hot so there is no denying it.

I think my mom is a very pretty lady, but nothing screams sex me from her veins. Victoria and many other MILFs just scream sex. I just don’t know what I would do…

Time to drink.

I gave her Cutie of the Day status over at Damn I’m Cute not too long ago and this interview only proves that I made a good choice. Her personality just kicks too much ass.

When going out single and looking for a nice girl total freak to take home that night, there are three very important things you must know. Sure, these aren’t revolutionary pieces of information but time and time again I see men overlook at least one of these critical points.

Money

Going to score tonight? Only taking enough money for yourself to drink and maybe grab something from a drive-thru afterwords? Good luck with that my friend.

First off nothing to do with getting lucky; just never stop anywhere after you’ve been drinking. It gives more time for the alcohol to sit in, increases your chance of running into Johnny Law and some of those drive-thrus can be tricky to manoeuvre when buzzing. Just B-Line it to your destination. Once again this has nothing to do with getting lucky, just sound information coming from a seasoned drunk.

What you do need to know is that if you’re going to get any tonight, you need to plan on drinking for at least 3. This is a minimal 3; you, the girl your talking to and her friend(s). What might help you out is to get one of your friends to pay for the other girls drinks, shouldn’t be a problem if her friend(s) are hot as well. So hit up the ATM and bring the plastic if need be or else you’re going home alone.

Know Your Setting

Some places girls will be wearing jeans and sweater and guys will be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Getting all dressed up to go to this place is not a good idea. Just throw on jeans and a t-shirt as well. Otherwise you run the risk of being over-dressed for the occasion and standing out (IE. looking like your trying to hard).

However, if your spot of choice contains women that are wearing less clothing than a celebrity at an award show, you’re going to want to go in looking right. Most of the time jeans work here too, but this time actually iron them. You’re also going to want to wear a nice button down shirt. Pick one that you wouldn’t wear to work, you know the one I’m talking about. It’s a little bit overstated and might even make you look a bit fruity. Wear it trust me, it stands out; and in this location that is what you want.

Drunk vs. Drunk

This is where most guys fail and screw up their night, so pay close attention here. A drunk girl can always be your friend. You just need to be able to detect the difference between “hey baby I’ve had too much to drink and I’d like to sit in your lap for a bit” and “Weeeee! I just fell out of my seat and now I’ve got my hand down your pants for catching me.” Dude, I don’t care how far down your pants her hand is and how good of a job she is doing at the moment, just forget about her; maybe get her number or ask if you’ll see her again. If she’s less shit faced next week she might remember you and you’re already on the white list.

She keeps telling you how she wants to go home with you or if you give her a ride she’ll give you a ride? Trust me, once you get her to the car she will most likely pass out, puke in your car, puke in your car then pass out or puke in your car pass out then puke in your car again. By the time you help her stumble from the car, into the door and find the bed she’s gone. Sleep with her if you want but that’s all your doing tonight…sleeping.

Find the girl who has a strong buzz going on not the one that is gone on a strong buzz. Alcohol can have a strong effect on hormones, so if she’s had the right amount and you have any ability to talk to women whatsoever…you’re in the playoffs, now take this one all the way to the Superbowl buddy.

Overview

As stated, these aren’t groundbreaking or earth shattering tid-bits of information, they’re just very helpful. And sometimes can be over looked by the single on the prowl, I personally have seen my friends fall victim to forgetting one of these. If at any time you need to remember this, just think:

L = Loot
S = Setting
D = Drunk

Or for the computer nerds:

D = Duckets
S = Setting
L = Lush